HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

I have noticed a current theme in the collective. We are putting others’ needs ahead of our own and neglecting our own self-care. I have experienced this firsthand myself and also recently had clients reach out for advice regarding this topic.

“I still remember you as a little girl who overwaters plants because she doesn’t know when to stop giving.”

I have always been a highly sensitive, empathetic, and compassionate person. As a middle child I have taken on the role of the diplomat and peace-maker. Some of my earliest memories involve spreading unconditional love, over watering plants, and taking in wounded animals to nurse them back to health. My personality has suited me well, especially when it comes to the work I do.

In the past I have had situations arise where I noticed that things were out of balance. I was putting my own needs aside to emotionally support others without expecting anything in return. I remember one situation where someone close to me wanted an endless amount of attention, affection, and advice. I realize now that I was giving too much to this person and it was taking away from my own self-care, career, and personal responsibilities. I am constantly in the process of restoring balance within myself. At this point in my life all of my relationships require an equal energy exchange. I have empowered myself and I will not tolerate anything less.

This is a common situation that healers, therapists, counselors, nurses, and care givers are confronted with. It is an honorable thing to be able to put your needs aside to be there for other people, but it can quickly become hazardous. Remember this quote: “You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first. Self-care isn’t selfish. IT’S NECESSARY!” Because the thing is… you can’t be effective at helping others if you don’t help yourself first.

My therapist recently informed me of a quote she once heard: “People are only as needy as you need them to be.” This statement is suggesting that we in fact have some control of how others treat us. If we are allowing someone to be needy with us then there is a part of us wanting to be wanted or needing to be needed. The intention behind wanting to feel needed could have to do with liking the attention, feeding off another’s energy, an ego boost, or wanting to feel better than another. Or, you could be a kind, kind soul who is just taken advantage of. A glutton for punishment? LOL, NO!  (you can change that!)

There are two types of people in this world, the givers and the takers. It’s important that the givers develop the gift of discernment. It’s important that the takers empower themselves and gain confidence so they do not need to depend on another for happiness. At different points in life we can all take on the qualities of a giver or a taker. Regardless of which category you believe you currently fall into, both groups can improve their daily lives by learning to develop healthy boundaries.

It is extremely important to develop healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries are your set of rules of what you find acceptable in life and how people treat you, etc. An example of a healthy boundary I set is that when it comes to platonic and romantic relationships I need an equal energy exchange. (as stated above).  You need good self-esteem in order to have healthy boundaries and to be able to maintain or reinforce your boundary. Have confidence or inner strength to stand up for yourself if your boundary is crossed. Stand your ground. Respect yourself, value yourself, you are worthy and lovable!

Take time for yourself each day. YOU TIME not spent with family, friends, or a spouse. Practice self-love and refill your own cup first. Do yoga, meditate, go for a walk, take a hike, get a massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, or whatever activity that allows you to relax and refills your cup. Never forget to DEMAND THE RESPECT YOU DESERVE AND TAKE YOUR F*KN POWER BACK!